fish!
fish!
2004-01-12
12:30 a.m.
I'd love to have my mind arrested.

I've been ridiculously emotional lately.

I cried during the most recent episode of Friends (let's face it, adoption is a big issue for me - nothing pulls harder on my heart strings).

I nearly cried watching Sex and the City tonight (Okay, I have no excuse for that).

I cried while watching the E! True Hollywood Story of Ellen DeGeneres.

I cried while watching the season 3 finale of Queer as Folk for roughly the 7th time.

I can't decide if I'm super exhausted, needing some semblance of emotional stability, sad that classes are starting again, or pregnant.

What? I had to throw that last one in there. You know, cause that's what people always think.

I'm losing a great uncle right now. Not, like, a fabulous uncle, although he is, but a great-uncle. Mom's uncle. My family seems to be incredible resilient when they become sick. My uncle (Dad's brother) suffered through cancer for 11 years. This man, my Uncle Wade, or "Willy-Lump-Lump," as the grandchildren have always called him, wasn't expected to live to see his own grandson born. That child is now 2 years old. But, he recently has taken a turn for the worse...he has begun hallucinating and seeing trumpets aligned along the ceiling in the hospital. I'm kind of sad, and my mind is somewhere else right now. Forgive me.

You know what I don't like? Snow. I'm going to live in Miami, when I can afford it.

You know what else I don't like? Poodles. Boo on Poodles. Yippity-Yip-Yip.

I've los tmy buddy Jordan. Call me bitchy...I don't like it when I call people, and send emails, and get no response from someone who thinks that I'm his best friend in this city. I'm not really so much about the "Oh, now I have time for you, let's hang out" friendships.

My psychiatrist told me that I needed to take a rest. I doubt that's an acceptable excuse to my bosses, however.

I need to climb on a small soapbox for a moment.

There's a man who works in our office as a custodian. He's the sweetest person I've ever met...we'll call him Hal. Hal suffers from a very severe mental retardation, which, according to the office rumour mill, is the result of childhood abuse. Regardless of the cause, he has the mental capacity of about a 12-year old. He's so pleasant and friendly, and incredibly. Ester constantly talks to him like he doesn't know how to do his job. She demeans him, and talks down to him. Now, she pretty much does this to everyone, and considering some of the other things she's said, I'm not entirely surprised. However, recently a new issue has surfaced.

You all remember my friend James at work, right? We started off really hating each other, mostly because we didn't entirely understand each other. Now, I have a great deal of respect for him, and he and I get along better than, probably, any other two people in the office. James is super sweet to Hal...he buys him baseball caps and sweaters to wear when it gets cold outside. Hal eats it right up, as I'm sure that not a lot of people treat him like a real person, you know?

Over Christmas break, Hal wrote James many letters, just telling him Merry Christmas, and I'm glad I know you...that kind of stuff. In total, I think James got about 17 letters. If this were anyone else, I think James would be quite a bit worried, but because it's Hal, and because he understands Hal's situation, he realizes that it's not harmless. Hal looks up to James, honestly.

Well, somehow, Ester heard about this, and has filed a complaint with the powers that be upstairs, since she thinks that Hal has a sexual attraction to James.

I'm disgusted with this. I know, it doesn't directly involve or affect me, but James isn't upset by it, and I don't even think Hal's mind operates in a sexual capacity, you know?

No, I don't have a master's degree yet, but I do have a big heart, and I am literally upset by this. Do I address it? Not unless some sort of action is taken against Hal. I won't tolerate injustice and discrimination in my own workplace. I'm not stupid. I know Ester doesn't hire people who are foreign or gay because of who they are, and it's disgusting. But I will not associate myself witha workplace that fires or punishes someone for something he or she cannot control.

I'm sorry for the rant, people, but I'm honestly torn up over this. I entered psychology because I have more empathy for people than the average person, I think. I care so deeply for someone who's suffering that it's hard for me not to bear that sadness on my own shoulders. I have to act. I have to feel. I have to cry.

Does any of that make sense? I'm not entirely sure.

Remember when I used to be funny? I think I might remember.

In other news, classes start back up again on Wednesday, which is exciting and kind of scary, since the people I got used to having around all the time are beginning to go their seperate ways. Russell and I have all the same classes, though, so I at least have a familiar face all day long.

My mother sent me pajamas with blue monkeys all over them.

Krispy Kreme has finally opened in Lexington.

Sometimes good helps to balance out the bad.

Tonight, you arrested my mind

when you came to my defense

with a knife in the shape of your mouth,

in the form of your body

with the wrath of a God.

Oh you stood by me, belief. - Gavin DeGraw

My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23