fish!
fish!
2004-08-14
12:14 a.m.
Friday night, and I'm bored to tears

So I was innocently downloading some porn when my computer spazzed on me and decided to add a toolbar, and being the completely computer-illiterate person that I am, I have no idea how to get rid of it.

Because I'm bored to tears, I thought I'd entertain myself by doing a survey I stole from my favorite aussie, even though she did it like a month ago or something.

SEX STATS:

Current age: 24

Age when you lost your virginity: This is one of those instances where it depends on who you ask. Because I was date-raped, some people would say I lost it physically at 14. I prefer to go with the emotional component, in which case, it was 15.

Was it a good experience, or bad: Regardless of which experience you are asking me about, it was fucking awful. The time I actually meant to do it, my boyfriend at the time cried for hours. Who has to comfort their boyfriend?

Age when you got your first kiss: 14. I was playing one of those "Truth or Dare" games on the marching band bus. I found out later that he is now an out-and-proud gay man.

Sexual orientation: bisexual, currently heterosexul by default.

How many partners have you had: Depends on who you ask. Sometimes jackasses with small penises like to pretend like I did them. Somewhere between 4 and 6.

Have you ever had a one-night stand: Yup. Didn't go well. Apparently he "was too drunk" to remember what happened. Interestingly enough, he wasn't too drunk to actually have sex with me. Isn't it curious how that always works?

Have you ever had phone sex: No. My sexual partners have never been into it.

Have you ever had cyber sex: No, I've got these stereotyped images in my head of the people who do have cybersex, and I always envision people who have nothing better to do on a Friday, and - oh, hell. I have nothing better to do on a Friday. Give me a webcam and some fruit.

SEX FAVORITES

Favorite place to have sex: I haven't had sex anywhere other than the bedroom in ages. I used to think that I got off on the idea of maybe getting caught, but then I got a roommate, and I am decidedly freaked out by this concept.

Favorite position: That honestly depends on my mood. Sometimes, I really am into the intimacy of missionary. Sometimes, I really want to be taken from behind. Sometimes, although this is usually only when I'm drunk, I have to be in charge and on top. I never commit to just one favorite. You should know this by now.

Favorite foreplay act: I have to agree with kiki - being out with someone and unable to satisfy the urge until later in the evening.

Do you prefer to give or receive oral: I'm a giver. It's a gift, really.

Favorite body part to have caressed: Um, what's caressing? :)

Favorite body part to have kissed: Neck. Neck. Neck. Neck.

Neck.

Neck.

Get it?

TOYS AND GAMES

Do you own any toys: Hi, have we met? Of course I do.

If yes, what are they: At the moment, I'm down from the record-breaking 12 vibrators that I used to have, to two. And apparently, I own a buttplug from Bath and Body Works. It's actually a back massager that my sister gave me for Christmas, but the boys are convinced it goes in my ass.

Do you own any games: Um, like Monopoly? And Trivial Pursuit. Okay, I totally don't own any sex games.

If yes, what are they: Nope.

Do you play any games that you don't own: I play coy.

Do you use condiments: What, like ketchup? Relish? No.

Do you role play: I used to pretend that I enjoyed having sex with my drug-addicted ex-boyfriend who could never get off. Does that count?

Do you wear costumes: Jesus the hell, I'm seriously having some vanilla sex up in this joint.

Do you perform strip teases: Never have. It doesn't mean that I won't, it just means that I haven't.

So, that's my sex quiz. Could someone please notify every single network on the planet, save the Disney Channel, and request that they remove the previews for Exorcist: The Beginning? Please? I haven't slept all night through in almost a month!

I saw The Village a couple of days ago. It was by far the worst movie I've seen since Manos: The Hands of Fate. I think it was actually worse than The Punisher. It was the hokey-est piece of shit ever put on film. If your mind was rocked, and you were not anticipating the THREE HUNDRED plot twists at the end, I pity you. But, then again, I didn't understand Mulholland Drive. I pity myself, too.

Fin.

My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23