It was definitely surreal.
Friday night, I was invited to see Exorcist: The Beginning with Jordan, his sister, and her boyfriend. For the record, I was scared shitless. I really could've done with a Valium, I'm serious.
After, because I was so upset, we went and bought some alcohol. Whoppee. Did I even spell that right?
You know how Weet is always talking about how she needs a Greek chorus to follow her around and sing about why she shouldn't do things? Me too.
I consumed roughly 2 bottles of champagne by myself. Long story short, I had sex with Jordan.
I know. After I promised myself and everyone around me that it was, in fact, possible for me to make straight male friends without sleeping with them.
And the whole "I refuse to be rebound girl YET AGAIN" thing, too.
When we woke up the next morning, I was okay. Jordan's sister and her boyfriend came down to have breakfast with us, and I was suddenly overcome by this overwhelming feeling of "I've got to get the fuck out of here. NOW."
I left in such a hurry that I forgot my ID and my bank card, which had somehow fallen out of my pants pocket.
Ahem.
Not 3 hours later, I was with Casey. I had very little time to process what had just happened, and I was completely filled with guilt, even though, rationally speaking, I shouldn't be. I realize that Casey and I aren't a couple, but we do have sex, and to my knowledge, that sex is exclusive. And I kind of feel like I threw a kink into the whole thing.
And then I realized that I needed my ID and bank card and would have to go retrieve it.
Picture it. I'm standing in the living room, pretty much where it happened, with Casey to my right and Jordan on my left. What a weird moment in my life.
Anyway, Jordan and I talked yesterday. Now I'm totally a mess. He's fine with it, and says that we can go back to being super close friends if I don't let it get weird. So, apparently he can return to his life completely unfazed while I feel like my world is in total upheaval.
So I finally came clean and told Casey last night. And he seems to be fine with it. And that's weird, because I was expecting some semblance of emotion. And after carrying around this stuff all weekend, finally getting it out there was such a release that I was literally spewing emotional diarrhea all over the place.
I have no idea where this leaves Jordan and me, Casey and me, and me and me. I don't like not knowing these things. And I don't like the fact that I probably won't see Jordan for several weeks because of our schedules, and I'll have to be carrying this around still a month from now. Like, hey, this will be the first time we've been around each other since IT happened.
How adolescent do I feel right now? I'm so damn insecure, I swear it.
In other news, I started teaching today. That's so weird to me. I feel like the worst TA ever. I even told the kids at the beginning that I thought this was a lame lab and that I was sorry if they thought it was stupid.
So, I taught 2 classes today. I have 1 tomorrow, 2 Wednesday, and 1 Thursday. I'm glad I'm not teaching one on Friday, because those kids would be so checked out by then.
That is all I have to report. More updates on my stupid "Coming of age teenage sex comedy" life as they come.
Fin.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23