Today, during the SIX-HOUR-LONG process it took to enter grades with one of my professors, people started talking about where they're going over Christmas break.
One person is going to Milan. As in, Italy, you know.
One person is going out west.
Four people are going on a cruise.
Me? I'm going to Mammoth Cave. People tried to make me feel better about this (oh, I hear it's nice this time of year), but Casey and I are broke and we have to get out of the city.
Me also? I'm babysitting my grandpa who refuses to wash himself (so I will have the joy of doing so), and keeping him from ordering porn.
Why is this my life? Who authorized this? I want names and numbers now, people.
I have this need to clean when I get stressed. That, or sleep. One of my professors thinks I have avoidance strategies, but really, don't we all? I'd say so. Mine are just highly pronounced.
So, one prof down. Two to go. It's almost the end of finals week and the end of the worst semester ever. EVER.
I literally think this is worse than the semester my uncle died and my boyfriend got thrown into rehab and I sank into depression and couldn't get out of bed for TWO WEEKS.
I could be wrong about all of that, though.
Should I really be counseling people? I figure, the more often I've encountered something someone else has been through, the better.
On a lighter note, because I like those, Matt had a good date. Hooray for that. He needs some ass.
His bastard cat took a chunk out of my thigh.
For some reason, I called Jordan in hysterics yesterday. I don't really know why. Whenever I hang out with the boy I end up crying. He's one of those people who can just say, "Stop the bullshit...I can see that something's wrong." And maybe I felt bad for constantly burdening my friends with what I'm not even sure is a problem. Like, I know there's something wrong, but what?
Maybe part of it is that I've lately had to come face to face with the fact that I was probably raped more than once in my life. Being traumatized leads you in that direction, I think.
All I keep thinking is, I just need to make it to Saturday. Because Saturday is when I go home to...babysit Grandpa.
Okay, maybe all I need to do is make it to, um, New Year's. I have to have a goal. Or I should get to bed. This whole 1:30 sleep thing just ain't kickin' it.
Do you believe in what you see?
Motionless wheel, nothing is real.
Wasting my time in the waiting line
Do you believe in what you see.
Everyone's saying different things to me, different things to me
Everyone's taking everything they can, everything they can
And I'll shout and I'll scream
But I'd rather not have seen
And I'll hide out for another day - Zero 7
Fin.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23