fish!
fish!
2005-06-07
2:03 a.m.
I'm feeling a bit confused.

Why is everyone moving to livejournal? I'm half-tempted to do so myself, except that all of my cousins have them, too, and I'd have to tone my diary waaaaay down for those folks to read it. My family is somewhat G-rated, unless you're highly offended by Bush-y politics. I kind of am, but we all knew that.

Anyway, my cats are eating all of my Whoppers candy. Bastards.

Tonight, I was on the phone with my mom, just catching up on stuff. Then, I brought up something that's been bugging me for a while. It's like this: While I try to come across as a confident, open-minded chick, I can be super-jealous. And I think I'm hyper-sensitive to the issue of cheating because I was cheated on, and my dad also cheated on my mom. I just have a radar, you know?

I talked to my mom about the fact that there's this girl who is a law student with Casey. She recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend, and has been calling Casey. My little radar goes up immediately.

My mom responded by telling me some things I didn't know about. Apparently while we were living in Louisville, (between 1983 and 1987), my dad was caught having not one, but two affairs. This was before the one that ultimately broke up their marriage in 1992. In the first incident, there was a woman who lived in another state who was calling my family COLLECT, while my mom was the only one working (dad was in seminary). She would call because she was having problems in her marriage, and Dad thought he was being a "good Christian" by talking her through it. The second incident, which mom wouldn't talk much about, involved one of the women we went to church with, and mom found some selacious notes they had written each other.

I never knew about these two things. Even with the other situation - the one that happened years later - my mom was a bit tight-lipped on the details, because she thought it was best. I do know who it was, because sure enough, as soon as dad moved out, they were together. They denied it all the way up to that point, even though it cost them both their jobs in the church. They were "just friends."

Now, my hypothesis is that girls at this point (because we all know how our gender can be) will start to cringe and remember their OWN expereinces. The men will respond with, "You're not dating your father." And that's all well and good, except that I'll bet no one ever plans to have an affair, you know?

So, what I got out of talking to my mom was that, even if we are being sensitive, it's okay to feel that there should be these strong boundaries, if you expect the relationship to be long-term. If you're not with someone who can understand your needs in this area, you should hold out for someone who can. It's just that Casey is so important to me, and I've known since day 1 that Casey isn't delighted about jealousy. I just really don't think that men can see these things. They tend to be a bit oblivious when a woman wants more than to bend his ear on the phone.

I still feel like I don't really know if it's fair for me to say, "To be with me, you cannot be alone with another woman." But I also think that all the therapy in the world won't change my mind, because I just refuse to be the fool in this situation again. I think I need some reaffirmation that I'm not a crazy possessive bitch.

In other news, my former deviance professor was recently in the news, because he's suing Georgetown college. He has a tendency to cross-dress in class, and thinks that this is the reason his contract there wasn't renewed. Also, apparently, UK has asked him to stop doing this in his classes. And, he has been kicked out of several restaurants in the city because of this. God, who doesn't love living in the bible belt? Ugh.

Fin.

My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23