How much fun did I have last night? Well, I'll put it to ya this way: When I got up this morning, I had no idea what happened to my car. None. Where's my car? Oh, I don't know!
We had much fun last night, and I will try to summarize for you the high points of the evening:
1. Watching Casey hula hoop surrounded by girls popping out of their shirts at Hooters.
2. Borrowing this absolutely gorgeous festive sparkly belt from Becky, which totally made me feel like a miniature diva. Oh my goodness, I swear wearing that thing made me wiggle my hips just a little bit more than usual.
3. Okay, although Richmond is the skankiest place I've ever been to, and the dj was playing the most bizarre mix of music in history, it was just a damn good time. Matty and I are the only people who could last out there on the dance floor the whole time, and you'd better believe we were shaking our groove thing like the two fabulous crackers that we are.
(Side note: I don't understand why they would choose to play the best song of the night right as they wanted us to leave! Hello? "Oh what a night" is NOT going to get my ass off the dance floor - I will stay and I will wiggle my white girl ass and sparkly belted hips and grab a white boy ass and you cannot make me leave!)
4. After we returned to Matty's, who so graciously offered up his apartment as the place to go for drunken festivities, things are a little fuzzy, but I know that Becky made herself a crown out of the Smirnoff Ice box because I dubbed her the queen for being able to drink this God-awful creation of tequila, vodka, and country cocktails, I think? Nasty.
5. This is going to be an UBER-paraphrase, but I know Becky said something to Casey along these lines: "Even for a GUY, you are damn horny." God, that's just damn funny. And damn true, too.
6. This is the funniest memory I have of the whole night: Matty lying on the floor staring at the ceiling and saying, "My ceiling is so pretty. It's all smooth. I have a nice ceiling." Yeah you do, buddy.
7. The orgasm pillow. There was quite a battle going on over who would get to take home the orgasm pillow (if you are not in the know about this famed pillow, it is this pillow on Matt's bed covered in the most amazing fabric I've ever felt against my skin. Microfiber or something). I kept insisting that I gave head for that pillow. I know, no one remembers it, but I'm just very quick. Yup. The battle was so intense that the mattress on Matt's bed wound up in so many different locations, and I was apparently on top of it the whole time, saying "It's okay. Everything is fine."
I made the bed.
The pillow WILL be mine.
And don't feel bad for Matty. That's the most action his mattress has ever seen. Ha!
So I went to bed at some point around 7 in the morning, I think, and then at noon, I woke up to the loudest banging ever in the shower. And stuff falling off of the side of the tub left and right. First of all, I officially HATE being a light sleeper. Secondly, I am not amused with the sex in the shower. Now, I didn't say anything when this whole thing started, where there was multiple aardvarking in the shower, even though I am tolerating spooge between my toes. But when there is spooge in my shampoo, spooge in my razor, spooge in my shaving cream, spooge in my conditioner, and spooge in my body wash, we have issues. Boo. Although I guess the added protein would be good for my hair. What am I talking about??!! I don't want people having sex in my shower!
Unless it's me!
So besides getting their freaky bang on in the shower, they also stole all the hot water. That's nice. I had a cold shower. Covered in man goo.
Gina and I are forming an organization. You know Parents Without Partners? It's kinda like that. It's Losers Without Lovers. Yeah, I'm so clever. We're gonna have a secret knock and handshake and everything. And I will be the social chair and organize trips to Graeters, The Krog for Ben and Jerry's, and Krispy Kreme.
Okay, I didn't intend for this entry to be so damn long, so if you made it through, good for you.
You get a cookie.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23