This whole "love" garbage is stupid. I'm so tired of being around these couples who claim to be in love. But the last time I checked, love isn't supposed to be jealous.
All right, to be fair, most couples I know do have fairly "healthy" relationships, whatever that is.
This is what's going on around my happy apartment. Besides the fact that Shelly and Gina hate each other, although neither one knows it, Shelly and Todd are having issues, too. Todd already forbade Shelly from seeing Tiny (NOT a bad thing, in my book), and now Shelly's not allowed to have her other friends either. Todd tells Shelly all the time that she is cheating on him, not that she would ever have time. They're always together.
Anyway, apparently some of her guy friends have been calling her, and she's been telling Todd that it's me calling all the time. Todd found out about it and insisted that she call me and apologize. And without thinking I went off on Todd. I know it's none of my business, but I feel like they already involved me to begin with.
Oops.
This whole thing is stupid.
And it further solidifies my decision to just be one of those women who keeps a handsome young fellow around in my guest house for sexual favors. Because I do not want to ever go through this.
Not that I think I'm even capable of having a traditional relationship in the first place. I always compare myself to Gina. Gina is always gonna be chased, always gonna be wined, dined, romanced, and then probably dumped. But at least that's the way it's supposed to go, or so everyone tells me.
Not me.
I'm always gonna fall for some friend, always gonna change my mind a week later, always gonna be the best friend, and never the girlfriend.
In all honesty intimacy and romance scare the shit out of me. They make me uncomfortable. They make me want to cry.
I wonder if it's even possible to overcome this? I don't think it's my nature to be at all romantical in the first place - do you have to completely change who you are to be with another person? Because I wouldn't ever want that either.
I wonder if it's possible to live with a friend, use that friend whenever you want, and then be free to lust after other people if you want that, too, but never actually BELONG to another person.
Well, it should be.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23