So, last night was Susan's birthday. I literally spent the entire day with Gina shopping for this endeavor, and we were both making jokes about what was gonna happen that night, my thoughts being that Gina would find a guy and leave me to carry Drunken Susan out of the club.
Well, someone wound up being carried out of the club, but it wasn't Susie.
It was me.
Honestly, people, in all the years of my life, I have never been so drunk that someone had to literally carry me anywhere. Well, until last night.
See, we decided to go to Jillian's because it was ladies' night, meaning no cover and a shitload of free drinks.
So, I was toasted after two.
I went ahead and had six. (Haha, good thing I proofread; I had originally written, "I went ahead and had sex." I wish.)
For those of you not familiar with Jillian's let me fill you in. There are 5 floors. On the first floor, there's games. The second floor is a lounge and karaoke. The third floor is a mix of music, playing everything from "Booty Call" to "Rockytop." The fourth floor is techno music and it's very dark. The fifth floor is live music - pretty cool, but my friends never want to go there. We always end up on the third floor.
So, I remember getting on stage and telling the dj is was Susan's birthday, so he said something to her. I have no idea what. Also, I was dancing alone on stage (I hope I was alone. You have NO idea of how disgusting the people were last night. We're talking mullet city. And me without my camera). Then, and I'm embarassed to admit this, I pole-danced in a cage. Yeah. Me. Pole-dancing.
Jesus.
At some point, we decided to head up to the fourth floor. Probably because I had grabbed the asses of everyone on the third floor and needed new meat. I was playing some serious grab-ass last night. Also, I kept calling everyone "baby."
Once we got to the fourth floor, the details are extremely fuzzy, but for some reason I kept sitting on the floor. Or falling. Fine, I was falling. After about the fourth time, I think they decided it was time for me to go home. I know they were walking me down the stairs and I kept announcing that I was NOT going to leave until I had sang some karaoke.
Gina's response: "Alyssa, you can sing to me in the car."
Somehow we made it to the car (props to Susan and Gina for being strong, I guess). And they got me all strapped in, rolled down the window, and hung my head outside. Gina was afraid I was gonna puke.
I SO didn't puke. Go me!
Then, and this is the most humiliating thing about the whole night, Gina and Susan walked me to my front door and I fell. Again.
Right into my stepdad.
He and my mom had to walk me to my bedroom and put me to bed.
So, this morning, I took a shower on my knees, because standing up caused me to get the shakes and puke everywhere. Don't shower in my house for a while. Just a word of warning.
My mom kept walking past me as I had my head in the toilet this morning reminding me that I still had to go to church.
I get no sympathy.
Dan's comment to me this morning: "Oh my God, Alyssa. You were shitfaced last night. How many drinks did you have? 10?"
Dan never sugarcoats anything.
So today at church, OF COURSE, Ben decides to strike up a conversation with Dan and myself. Let me just tell you how attractive I am at this moment. I couldn't stand up long enough to blow dry my hair completely, so I just pulled it back into this half-assed ponytail. I was so shaky when I was putting on my makeup that I looked like that character from SNL that Cherie Oteri used to do. The one that's hooked on prescription drugs with makeup smudged all over her face.
Haha. I look like a celebrity!
So tonight, we're going out to celebrate Willy's "end of lent, I can drink alcohol, yay!" party at Chili's.
I'm very excited about this.
I don't want to go home again. My parents are neglecting me. Fine, think that I'm an attention whore. BUt I could say something nine times and they would still be so wrapped up in their fucking PDA that they wouldn't listen.
I don't get enough attention!
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23