Now, really, I don't generally get PMS, per se; instead I turn into a deranged psycho something like 2 days into my actual period and start demanding things like muffins, and I play Chutes and Ladders like a big meanie.
But right now I have become the personification of a histrionic soap opera villian. All I need is one of those internal monologues where I divulge my evil plot to pretend to become pregnant and ruin my half sister's wedding and I'll be all set for "One Life to Live."
I decided tonight that I wanted frozen pizza. Simple enough. I'll just drive my ass to The Krog on Euclid Ave. Rather than do this, I suddenly found myself at the end of Nicholasville Road down by Man O'War. For those of you not familiar with the lively streets of Lexington, they are in two completely opposite directions.
I burst into tears.
I fucking cried, declaring to absolutely no one that I was a complete failure at being an adult. Then I burst into giggles because I was crying about going the wrong direction to the grocery store.
Then I decided I was the best singer in history, so I rolled down my windows and sang along to "Back for Good" at the top of my lungs.
Then I cried again. I think I thought the song was too sad.
Then Matt called the old cell phone to tell me that my birthday present was ready.
So I cried again, and this time, I have no idea why.
Eventually, I did wind up at the grocery store, now feeling like a moron cause I was almost completely out of gas. And I almost threw a temper tantrum in the medicine aisle because I was angry with the people for advertising pain medicine as "analgesics." Dammit, when I'm bloated and crampy, I don't want a fucking dictionary to tell me where the medicine is. Where is the section titled "Medicine you should take when you think your body is about to explode?"
I can just see myself answering the phone tomorrow. "Hi, my name is Alyssa. I wish I were dead."
My body is NOT a wonderland.
P.S. My birthday present from Matt totally kicks ass. I've already hung it up. Yeah, another good idea. Give a girl with PMS a hammer. Oh, that's safe.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23