I have a problem. I need therapy. Not, like, "Oh, I'm goofy, get me some help." No, I have issues. I've got more issues than Chris has of Playboy.
Wes's girlfriend broke up with him this weekend. While I am trying to help cheer him up, I can't help but be a little relieved. I just like my friends better when they're single. How awful is that?
Oh, but it gets worse.
See, I've been harboring this sort of middle-school crush on him (no, you didn't know, cause I wasn't telling. You don't like people with girlfriends; it's just wrong), but rather than be happy that he's single, I'm suddenly completely unattracted to him.
That's not right either.
The uterus is coming to town soon. It's currently making its presence known by twisting itself in half. Super. So now I'm spending the day in a drug-induced stupor. It makes work more fun, really.
Also, I saw a special last night on the human face hosted by John Cleese. Rather than being elated that someone from the cast of Monty Python was talking through the whole thing, it just made worse my ever-growing list of insecurities.
Don't get me wrong, I have always known that there are some people who are empirically beautiful, and it's fairly unquestionable. Fine, I can deal with that. But I guess I just always sort of thought that different people thought different things were attractive. According to this little show, there are certain qualities that just make you beautiful. And honestly, by nature, I just always try to find something attractive about everyone I meet, but probably not everyone is like that.
So basically, if you're not beautiful, you're never going to be, right?
And where was I going with this?
Anyway, then I felt like a total shithead, cause here I am feeling sorry for myself because I will never have high cheekbones or full lips (I'm NEVER getting over this, sorry) and then they show this guy who has face cancer. He had a tumor on his head and one eye, and he saw himself as beautiful. He embraced the way he looked.
I WISH I could go through life like that. Seriously. Here I am with essentially zero physical deformities and I feel sorry for myself.
I really hope this whole self-loathing thing goes away soon. It's very unbecoming. And it's not my color. I'm a spring.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23