2002-09-04
2:26 p.m.
You are a lesbian. Just admit it...you are a big lesbian.

Last night I endured an episode of what I think could quite possibly be the most painful show on television to date. No, I didn't have to watch it, but I felt like zoning out in a semi-vegetative state, and I'm currently on board of a ship of wonder I like to call senioritis (no, I'm not doing homework yet - it's my fucking last semester here! You do it for me). I'm sure I'm not the first around these parts to comment on the Anna Nicole Smith show, but honestly. If you haven't seen it, just try. Usually I can watch about 5 minutes before I have to gouge out my eyes with something sharp to get her drag-queen lookin' mug out of my field of vision. Last night I decided to sit through an entire episode. Here are the following conclusions I have drawn:

1. She is a big lesbian. Really. Her "assistant?" My asshole. What kind of assistant lets you drop a quarter down her shirt and ride her like a pony? A big lesbian lover, that's what.

2. She is heavily medicated. Well, that's the only explanation I can come up with that doesn't involve a lobotomy of some sort. I mean, just watch her. I have pairs of shoes more animated and intelligent than this girl.

3. I am in love with Bobby Trendy. Not just because he is decorating her bedroom in pink and white fur and leopard print, and making it sound like it's actually a GOOD idea, but, more importantly, because he has groovy tips in the front of his hair. I can be shallow like that. I want him to be my best friend.

4. Someone please tell this girl that it is NOT okay to walk around in belly shirts all the time. Honey, you are what I affectionately refer to as "zoftig." It's okay, really. Join the club! We don't dress like that. Well, those of us with any taste or concern for people around us don't. Oh, scratch that. You've already proven to me that you are a white-trash whore.

5. You wear too much makeup! The drag queens at the bar don't wear that much eye shadow and neither should you!

I think that's all I have to say about that.

I talked to Amanda last night and it looks like she may be coming to town on Friday! I absolutely, positively, without a doubt, 100%, cannot wait. She is one of my favorite people on the planet, second only to Bobby Trendy. Yay. Hurry up and get here, Friday!

My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23