I'm not going to delve into details here, because I don't want to be one of those "I-hate-my-job" people who writes daily rants about how much their life sucks. I perform menial tasks for menial pay. It really doesn't get any simpler than that.
But, I feel like I'm in high school again. Long story short, people (and when I say people, I'm referring to the higher-ups) like to talk about you behind your back without saying a word to you. Sadly, although this IS usually how I deal with things, I don't think it's necessarily the best way to run a business.
Recently, I've been getting a lot of "grow a spine" speeches from the people around me, and while I love all of my friends, more deeply than they can ever know, I don't think they understand how difficult it is for me to confront someone.
My entire life, I've been belittled for having an opinion. Every time I've attempted to stand up for myself, people who should've been nurturing my individuality and encouraging me to be a strong woman, instead made me feel like I was nothing for not seeing the world the way they saw it. I'm not just talking about my parents, although I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. I remember getting into arguments with friends when I was younger, and regardless of whether or not I may have had a valid point, I was treated as though I were younger, more immature, and not as intelligent as they were.
So there's your psychoanalysis. Yes, it's my responsiblity to fix this problem, but how about not getting frustrated with me because I can't do something like stand up to my superiors? Sometimes I don't think people realize how difficult it is for me to confront anyone. It's not just that I don't like to do it, it's that I completely lose control of my bodily functions. My face flushes, my stomach ties itself in knots, and I've been known to cry for no apparent reason, just because I had to tell someone that they were doing something I didn't like.
In extremely happy news, the John Mayer concert is in two days. TWO days, people. All I have to do is survive a psychopharmacology test tomorrow...
Johnny, you'd better watch your body, baby. It's gonna be more than a wonderland. It's gonna be every fuckin' theme park all rolled into one, and I, my friend, am Mayor McCheese.
La.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23