2003-02-01
3:19 a.m.
...and I was like what? And she said, totally! So I go, hey!

I had the most wonderful evening of relaxing and then later hanging out with Matt. It's honestly been so long since I've had some real time alone, where I wasn't concerned about doing homework, not thinking about grad school, not trying to entertain guests, and I forgot that I absolutely cherish my time alone.

There's no possible way for me to try and translate what jibberish I wrote in my entry last night. Know this: It's not really the best idea anyone ever had to chase shots of Jagermeister with an LIT. I needed a night out to get fucking stupid, though. I've been a royal pain in the ass all week, vascillating between apologizing for everything, picking fights with anything with a pulse, and crying in the in-between times.

Graduate school is a weird thing. When you're in high school, looking at colleges, there are fairs every month, all of your peers are basically in the same boat as you are, and you have your parents around to answer financial questions and the like. Now, you and your friends are all looking into different programs, and reality tells you that if you follow your heart, you probably won't end up in the same comfortable situation with the same comfortable people. The thought that, now that I have all of these amazing people, ones that I fit in with, ones I can talk to about things slightly more substantial than class and how much I hate this bitch or that bitch for something stupid that was said to me...I feel like I can't leave. Or they can't leave. And if everyone stays here, could I walk away from it all to go to school somewhere else?

Note to self: No more updates after 3 A.M. They're weird.

And I'm nothing if not proud of Casey for his scholarship offer; at the same time, I'm trying to scare up teacher recommendations, PRAYING that some school will want me to attend, and his CONTINGENCY plan is a 15K/year scholarship.

If that doesn't make you want to jab something sharp into your eye, I don't know what will.

On an unrelated subject, I've determined that if Rufus Wainright's voice doesn't make you want to hump the nearest table leg, you don't have gonads.

Gonads and strife...

And now I sleep.

Fin.

My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23