I learned some information during my trip about my biological mother that leads me to believe that she might actually want to see me someday.
Background info: For those of you who don't know, I was adopted when I was just over a month old. I knew that the decision was made, mostly because my mother was 15 years old, and my father, who was only 14, had no clue that I was even born.
I think this is partially why my birthday is so important to me. Every year I think about that day in 1980, and I thank God that my mother didn't choose not to follow through with a pregnancy that was most likely an inconvenience, not to mention an embarassment for the family. Every year I think about what she must be like, and I hope that somewhere, she's remembering the day and thinking of me.
I recently visited some websites, including the one created for the agency my parents used. I'm contemplating emailing a woman to see if she can tell me anything more than the limited information I already have.
What concerns me more than anything is the effect this will have on my mother and my grandparents. My mom will ALWAYS be my mom. There's no other person who raised me, and quite frankly, as far as personality goes, she and I are one in the same. At the same time, I can't deny that I just need to see someone who shares some genetic material with me. I want medical history. I want names.
I don't know if I can possibly get everything that I want, and I don't know that if I did, it would really be what's best. I don't know the best way to go about getting what I want, but I do know that if I do get the opportunity to even learn something new about my biological family, it'll be a heart-wrenching experience for me.
It makes me really glad that I've got my journal to document what happens, should I decide to go through with it.
By the way, I hope everyone has a fun and safe holiday. I'm hoping against hope that it's tamer than last year's festivities.
Fin.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23