I'm not feeling 100% yet, but I'm getting better. I was terribly depressed with the onslaught of the new semester and all of the changes it would bring that I didn't even have a chance to look forward to it. And what brought the newfound change in my demeanor?
Book shopping of all things. Yes, I'm $400 poorer, and yes, I still think all incoming freshmen are retarded. The streets are now crammed with kids who can't wait for their folks to leave, anxious mothers, who are willing to shell out thousands of dollars on a new matching trashcan and bedroom suit so their children won't be homesick, and fathers, so super confident in their driving capabilities that they're practically running over the rest of us in their oversized SUVs. They think they know how to drive in Lexington. Haha. That's a skill that takes at least a month to master. Now get off the main roads and leave the absurd, red-light running, speeding and slamming on the brakes, bad driving to those of us who are used to it.
What excited me about the whole thing was that with each book I picked up, I realized that I wasn't going to have to sit through another English class (Sorry to Shelley and Schoonie!), I wouldn't have to suffer any more Bio labs, no more insufferable hours with Dr. Taylor and his mole learning how to design a double-blind experiment. I get to have two years of learning to actually do what I WANT to do. And that perked me up quite a bit.
Also I have fresh laundry and my apartment smells delightful, which is always a bit of a spirit-lifter for me.
I had made the decision that once classes began, I wouldn't be able to see and/or speak with Casey. I though it would be too difficult for me to see him meeting new people, when I have a tendency to become very attached to a small group of friends, completely neglecting the fact that I, too, would be getting to know a lot of new people very, very well. And it didn't really sink in until yesterday, when he was saying his good-byes to my cat. As soon as he left, I did a lot of thinking. And all of the reasons I had for wanting to completely shut him out of my life for a while were completely senseless to me all of the sudden. Of course we need to spend less time together, and of course we have to meet new people. We're not going to be in classes together anymore. We probably won't have time for The West Wing every single Wednesday night. But, honestly? The thought of running into someone who has become one of my closest friends ever a month from now, and not knowing what had been going on in his life? It made me hysterical.
I'm sure that there are a few people who are going to look at this as weakness, and as a mistake. I'ms orry guys, but I don't live my life for you. And for all of the bitching and complaining (and let's face it, you only hear one side of the story, and I can be a handful)that I do almost daily, Casey is a good person. It's just always been easier for me to complain about something than to praise it.
Item #293921 that I need to work on.
For the first time in a long time, I feel at peace, and I'm not even on anything.
My mother is coming down tomorrow with my cousin Bethany. This makes me exceedingly happy. I adore my cousin. She's got the sharpest wit of anyone (save myself, of course) and she's barely fourteen. Plus? My mommy's bringing me vicodin. Nothing's funnier than getting a call from your mom at 11:00 p.m. to say, "Hey, Lyss, does Hydrocodone upset your stomach?"
Mommy, even if it did? I would take it anyway.
So, in short, I did laundry, I bought my books, I cleaned the hell out of my apartment, I spent the evening with Niki doing nothing, and I feel better than I have in weeks.
Fin.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23