I've become consumed lately. Literally, consumed with the idea of another person. I've always been one of the most independent women I know, aside from a rampant fear of abandonment, and the whole jealousy thing.
But I blame that entirely on the fact that I have been cheated on.
I digress.
Do you know what that's like? Can you imagine the passion that grows inside everyday? To look at them and see nothing but radiance. I'd walk the circumference of the earth 3 times to see the twinkle in your eye. I'd swim in the Ohio River and risk radiation (not to mention, botulism) to feel your embrace.
I've never, EVER felt like this before. The most heart-wrenching aspect is that it's totally one-sided. For as deep as I feel, I know you run as shallow. For every part of me that aches to be with you, there's a part of you aching to be free.
It seems like some sort of tragic poetic justice that I finally am open to someone completely, and they couldn't be more closed off.
Maybe that's why I feel so strongly. Maybe I have to stop trying to make everyone better. Maybe I have to stop trying to earn everyone's love and appreciation. Maybe if I knew what was best for me, I'd save all of my love, all of my admiration, all of my adoration, all of my empathy, and all of my spirit for someone who could return it.
Also, I saw "Lost in Translation" tonight, and it was beautiful.
Fin.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23