I've always known I was adopted, since I can remember understanding where babies come from. Before that, even. But, I've never seen any pictures of myself as an infant. We have albums chock full of pictures of me from ages 6-8 months on, but nothing before that, except for a picture I once saw that they took at the foster home - my cheeks are so chubby, my face looks like it's falling off.
This past weekend, while my mom was at the store, I partook in one of my favorite games..."Look through Mom's stuff."
I don't think she'd mind much, but it's just something I've always loved to do. Something about finding my baby teeth still tucked away in her old jewelry box, and the stash of t-shirts dated circa 1984 adds to how much I love my mom. It's because of her character. It's because she can't throw anything away, because she is like I am - extraordinarily sentimental.
Tucked away in one of her drawers was a box titled "Very Special Pictures." Hoping against all hope that it wasn't some kind of porn, I snuck a peek. Inside were roughly 25 polaroids of myself and my entire family, the DAY they brought me home from the foster home. I was 1 month and 4 days old.
There was a picture of mom giving me my first bottle. My grandmother was giving me my first bath. I was tiny, and even though I was surrounded with total strangers, I looked...at home.
I've never once questioned that I am where I should be. It's one of the things in my life that helps me really believe that there is a God, and more importantly, he knew what he was doing this time.
Skeptics might call it chance. Luck. I guess I could, too, but it's uncanny how similar I am to my family. I'm stubborn like my father. Intensely feeling and emotional, sympathetic, sentimental and generous like my mother. I'm musically inclined, so is my family. I'm short and squatty. So are they.
The personality features certainly could be environmental, but the physical? I doubt it.
Seeing these pictures brought a sense of closure for me. It was a piece of a puzzle I didn't even realize was missing.
The question becomes: What now? I would love nothing more than to sit down with my mother and talk about those pictures, to hear her reminisce. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the look in her eyes as she talks about the day they brought me home. At the same time, I am waaay past the age where snooping through her things is cute. On the contrary, it's kinda suspcious.
In other news, I'm officially in the Christmas spirit. I went shopping today with my buddy Jordan, and bought most of my gifts for Casey, and something for my mom and stepdad. I already know what I'm getting for Matt...that just leaves, oh, everyone else!
Suggestions?
Fin.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23