Due tomorrow: 2 hours of stats homework, 1 major paper revision, 2 chapters in a book I haven't yet cracked.
Not so bad, eh? Well, in my undergrad days, the paper revision might've taken roughly 30 minutes, where I fixed all grammatical and spacing errors, and printed the bastard, never to see it again. In my over-achieving, perfectionistic grad school days, (not to mention the fact that if I turned in a paper that was utter shit, I would still have to deal with this professor, as I already know I've got her for one class next semester, and she works with GLBT couples, so I've gotta kiss ass if I want to work with her, and man this is a long sentence) I completely revised the bastard. I added multiple pages of quotes, and insights, transforming what was a pitifully short essay into a well-written, intelligent paper.
This was all accomplished at roughly 1 this morning. That's fine. I'll just hit print and go to bed...
Except that I was almost completely out of paper.
So, I headed out in the (motherfucking ASS) cold to Kroger. For the record, you people are NOT my co-pilot. I will never understand why that store sells massive posterboard, but not printer paper. Honestly, what's more important? Especially this time of year?
So, I ventured further from my home, where I found a Walgreens that was still open.
And my paper was on sale. Bless you, Mister Walgreen. YOU are my co-pilot.
I returned home, thinking I'd have a relatively easy task ahead of me. Then my printer decided to stop working. And my cat decided to start playing with me. Let's talk about the fact that an otherwise rational 23 year old woman was yelling at a printer and a cat in the same breath. Two things that cannot understand nor can they reply to my screaming.
I tried everything, people, short of taking that thing apart, which I would've done had I known how. I shook it and tried to run one page through at a time...nothing.
Then, out of nowhere, the bastard printer starts shooting errant quarters and pennies in my face.
Let me reiterate this to you. My printer would not print because there was money in it. Money. Which, undoubtedly, the cat placed there. My Zoloft's probably in there, too, the rat bastard.
I'd like to just bring this into your mind one more time. I'm sitting on the floor in a pair of underwear, fighting off a cat with one hand and beating up a printer with the other, I'm crying, I'm completely hysterical, and my printer starts shooting coins in my general direction.
Serenity? Table for one?
I wish I had known that when I woke up on Monday morning, Satan himself had giftwrapped my entire week for me, complete with a bow and everything, as a gift from hell.
In other news, I recently acquired the Gavin DeGraw cd and the Howie Day cd, both of which I highly recommend. I also acquired many pounds of fudge and these cookies which cause multiple orgasms...they are chocolate-covered-cherry cookies. Jordan and Russell and I exchanged gifts last night. I am taken care of by the best five men in history (of course, I'm including Russell's partner Barry, as well as my homo life mate, and Casey).
You'll note that not one of them was here to help me through this disaster, but I suppose that's okay.
I've decided that I'm just going to stay up all night. That way I can pretty much guarantee that I'll get to work on time. For once.
My boss dropped a massive poo today when I was changing the plug in the bathroom. In the stall next to me. Ripe with smelly farts, too. Go on with your funky self, Ester.
I still haven't figured out exactly how to shake it like a polaroid picture.
I heard this great song on the radio yesterday. Some person was saying something like, "Fuck all your words, they don't mean shit now, fuck all your presents..." I don't know. It was officially the best break-up song ever, though.
I don't have a milkshake, but I think if I did, it wouldn't bring anyone to the yard.
Oh! A house on my street caught on fire last night. There were six fire trucks outside. Excitement city. Have you ever smelled anything like it? Goo.
Fin.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23