Let's talk about what's on the menu, shall we?
Apparently I have some sort of pheromone I give off to weird, obsessive people. There was a girl I met a couple of seemsters in group therapy, and she found out where I work. She dropped by the other day, and I thought it was kind of nice, until I realized that she had stopped by almost every day trying to find me. She sends crazy-long emails, and I fear she might be obsessed with me.
The reason I don't date girls is because I generally find men too clingy.
I bought a new vibrator tonight. It's ultra sexy. It's even red and everything. But there's one drawback, which I didn't realize until I got it home and was taking it for a "test drive." There's a little light on it. Cute? Sure. But it kind of looks like Rudolph the Reindeer, or maybe a drunken Russian person is going down on me.
At least I'll always be able to find my vagina in the dark.
While at Video Max, I stumbled upon a most disturbing sexual aid: something called a "Clit Blaster." Now, I realize that I may be a bit more sensitive than most, but I can't imagine that ANYONE would want to be blasted. Comments?
Dear Schoonie,
You are swell. Thanks for being a dreamboat.
Dear Patty,
I like people who think I'm funny. Rock on.
Dear people living downstairs,
When you smoke, it makes me want some.
I don't generally care to be around secondhand smoke; in fact, when Casey lights up, I usually feel like it's only been about 5 minutes since his last one. But for whatever reason, when the folks downstairs take a puff, something wafts up through my vents and makes me want to knock on their door for a sample.
Dear Krispy Kreme,
God bless you people. What the hell took you so long to get to Lexington? I mean, there are more fat people here than in a Richard Simmons' workout video. Did you not know you could make a killing here? Regardless, your glazed doughnuts make me quiver a little bit.
Fin.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23