So.
Remember last semester, when I accidentally overslept for a lab, and it turned into this hufe ordeal, because I didn't tell someone ahead of time?
I STILL do not understand how they expected me to let someone know before I oversleep for a class. Hi, this is Alyssa. I'm asleep. I won't be awake for a while. Thanks. What the hell.
So, I got a swat on the ass and a warning that it wasn't to happen again. Okay, I'll try.
Well, since someone in charge of the world apparently doesn't like me much, I'm not sleeping well. We all know this. One night after particularly fitful sleep, I finally knocked out.
And I managed to wake up about 5 minutes after my class started.
So, long story short, I am no longer employed with the Psychology department. Rock on.
The thing is, I'm not really sad about not doing this anymore. I could care less about the woes of 100 freshmen. But, I'm embarrassed, since my whole family is all about being workaholics, and here I'm evolving into a slug.
So there's one thing.
The other thing is, my supervisor and professors are still onvinced that there is something wrong with me. Now, last semester, I could see it. I mean, I really could not stop panicking, and I was miserable and frustrated. But, I've felt, essentially, like myself of late. Still, my supervisor insists that I had some inner life or something that I don't have anymore.
I've literally been racking my brain trying to figure out what has changed, and how to get it back.
Suddenly it occurred to me...what if I'm working my ass off to become something I never was in the first place? I mean, these people are expecting me to be the person I was circa April 2004.
Well, this time last year, for those of you who are new to my life, I had un grande kidney stone, and was surfing a cocktail wave of painkillers, antibiotics, and laxatives.
*FYI - When a person takes opiates (such as percocet, vicodin, morphine, etc.), his/her body dries out, and therefore the person becomes constipated. This is why heroin addicts have terrible diarrhea when they quit.
So, sure I was happy. You give percocet to a man on death row, and he's a happy man. Geez.
The other things that have changed since then are that I had a month-long period, and I started taking ADHD medication.
When I was little and had menstrual problems, I became highly anemic, and was therefore really tired ALL the time. So, it's possible that I'm tired a lot because of the lack of iron. Okay, I'll take supplements.
As far as the Strattera...this is a decision I've been trying to make for a while. It's great that I can focus on something for a while. It really is. But, I can't understand anything my parents say anymore (because they both are a little off-the-wall when it comes to staying on topic), and I haven't felt like myself lately. It felt like a certain part of my personality was tied into the fact that I'm just known for being kind of flighty. Not flaky, mind you...just not able to hold a topic. And it was funny to me and to the people around me. I don't have that anymore. So I've lost a large portion of my identity.
Anyway, I've decided, at least for now, that I'm going to stop taking the medicine. I want to see if it helps to elevate my mood, or at least provides me with some semblance of self.
Casey made dinner for me on Friday, since my week has been so shitty. Aside from all of this, I have been *strongly advised* to drop a class and go part-time.
Translation: unless I want to burn bridges and have to check in with people three times a week, I have to cut back.
Sigh...we shall see how this all goes.
Okay, the thing that makes me angry about the T.A. job? (Going back to this topic...) One girl had to cancel a lab because she locked her keys in her house. The same girl cancelled labs for 2 weeks because her in-laws were coming to town. But, this was fine. Because she called first. Whatever, UK. You can eat me.
Um, so I guess that's it. Everyone be nice to me.
Fin.
My apologies and a farewell??? - 2005-10-20
It should be Friday somewhere. - 2005-10-03
It's Friday again! - 2005-10-01
Amendment to previous entry... - 2005-09-26
Longer than I intended. It's to tide you over for another week. - 2005-09-23